- The Genuine Friend – A person with whom you interact outside of Facebook. In regular contact. A rock solid friendship, with or without FB.
- The Possible Genuine Friend – Someone you have not met in real life but click with marvelously on FB. These two will stay in regular contact. Strong potential for a long-lasting friendship.
- The Forever Acquaintance – That person who only touches base with you on your birthdays, holidays and special occasions/announcements.
- The Minion – When one person likes/comments on another person’s posts frequently but the recipient rarely, if ever, acknowledges that person. Usually a celebrity/fan-based relationship. Or someone who thinks of themselves as a celebrity.
- The Relative – Acceptance of friend request is obligatory in nature unless there is bad blood with that family member. Also can apply to coworkers and bosses.
- The Background Noise – When 2 people friend each other then never, ever, ever touch base with each other ever again. A pointless, non-relationship with no there there. Pure filler.
- The Stalker – When a sociopath obsessively homes in on a FB friend. If you post a cat picture, they’ll post a cat picture. If you change your profile pic, they change theirs to one with the same pose as yours. They regularly like and comment on your posts, but there’s an underlying, unnerving hostility present. Possible closet Trump supporter. This person usually winds up in the unfriend bin.
- The Lech – Typically a married man using FB to troll for vulnerable ladies. He will be charming and engaging at first but before you know it, is messaging you crotch shots and badgering you into having a tryst. Eeeuuu. Block him.
- The Spammer – That person on FB solely there to market their business or tout their new book. They have no interest in engaging with anybody. Can be the other end of #4, though they’re usually more extreme in how they work to stay on message. Annoying to most people unless they have a personal interest in their brand.
*Speaking in absolutes is fun! Who doesn’t like a list? But in reality, most relationships are fluid and ever-changing, usually not all one thing permanently. So please, don’t get your knickers in a bunch. Take this blog entry as intended – lightly and with humor! Thanks for reading and have a pleasant say. Yes, say.