“A List of Things All Women Do” – A resource used by every novelist, ever…

“A List of Things All Women Do” – A resource used by every novelist, ever…

1. Blush
2. Be startled by their period showing up
3. Heave their bosom
4. Blush some more
5. Snipe at attractive women
6. Stare at their naked form in the full-length bedroom
mirror and sigh
7. Fantasize about sleeping with rock/movie stars
8. Blush yet again
9. Drink too much-but only occasionally-and get randy
10. Fantasize about what life would have been like if you
hadn’t had kids
11. Scoop up kids, hold them tight, tell them you love them
as a consequence of guilt from #10.
12. Feel flushed-not to be confused with blushing
13. Become besties with one of the attractive women
you used to snipe at
14. Brush your thick, lustrous hair, then tie
back into ponytail
15. Cook a lavish meal for your family that goes
16. Leave your husband, find yourself
17. Once found, go back to said husband
18. But by now husband has a much younger, hotter girlfriend
19. Wait for husband to see the light and dump girlfriend
20. Tell your kids “your father’s just going through a phase”
21. Get drunk again. At a sports bar. Hookup with some
chiseled, blue collar airhead
22. Lay in bed nursing a hangover as your husband strolls back in,
ready to start relationship anew
23. Clumsily explain the condom wrapper by your bed
24. Watch your husband stalk out of the room as you call after him
that it didn’t mean anything!
25. Sob into your pillow
26. Vomit, shower, nibble some toast for breakfast
27. Sigh then blush some more

-Angel La Canfora


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